Friday, May 3, 2013

A serious journal and linky love!

This time of year is bittersweet for me. I love the spring and green coming back (even though we had a foot of snow dumped on yesterday, not normal) I love the birds and their singing.  I love my flip flops getting dusted off for the season and my toes being able to be free from the evil confines of socks (I hate HATE socks....).  But it is also hard because it is close to mother's day, and fishing opener.  I get terribly lonesome for my family this time of year.  I grew up in a family business, a bait shop.  When I think of going home, I think of the Shop.  It has always been there, a constant in a childhood fraught with change. Opener is almost always on mother's day weekend.  It was nice in a way, that after mom died the long weekend of working long hours made the pain a little less intense, a little more manageable, a little bit more able to forget that instead of a mom waiting at home for me, she was laying in a grave.  Dark I know, but this is real life.  Mother's day has not gotten any easier. I am very fortunate to have been able to adopt a beautiful boy, but it hurts a little still that I cannot have my own.  I don't want to sound ungrateful by any means.  There are some loved ones of mine that struggle with this EVERYDAY, and here I am with a son, sounding like I am complaining.  I am not complaining, more like just sharing my feelings of failure.  It seems that everyone is either having a baby, or had a baby.  I am so happy for them.  Kind of. I mean I truly am happy, but.....there is is this....resentment at the same time.  It is the same feeling I struggled with when I would see kids give their moms something on mothers day....I tried to combat this by getting something for my dad instead....but the resentment continued.  I am a kind person, but deep down I harbor resentment, anger and disappointment.  We all do probably.  I held a baby a month or so ago.  It was almost too much for me to take, the feeling of failing and that nasty resentment had red in my eyes.  SO, how do I get past this, over this or through this.  Well I know that I won't get past it, if it hasn't happened yet it never will, it is a scar on my heart.  There is no getting OVER something like these things either. BUT, I can get through it.  I chose to release my emotions in my art journal.  I have been hesitant to write this blog, I don't want to sound dark and wallowing in self misery.  But, this is real life.  It is my real life, not all sunshine and roses, but weeds and clouds.  The first page is about my mom I did several months ago, and the second is an entry of my inner turmoil with chronic miscarriages.  It helps.  To get it out into a visual thing helps so much!  



















































Thank you for letting  me share this, it is therapeutic in itself!


Now let's get a little less serious!!! It is Linky Love Friday at Daisy Yellow.  Tammy has extended it to the month of May as well!!  So here is this weeks Fab 5!!!  LOVE and HUGS !!!

  1. Karen michel Beautiful dream catcher in progress!!!
  2. Natalie Malik , just gives me inspiration looking at the whole blog!!!
  3. Kristin Dudish ...just YES!!!!!!
  4. Natasha White I know I have already put down Natasha once before....sue me...but I am so intrigued by her journey through the artist way book....that and I LOVE HER!!!!!! seriously.  She is A.W.E.S.O.M.E.
  5. Rachel Ashe this is so COOL, I mean really it is made of PAPER!!!!!
Go spread so Link LOVE!!!

7 comments:

  1. Sending you giant squishy hugs for the first part of your post. Nothing I can say will ease any of your pain or loss. So know instead that I am sitting here with you, seeing you and listening to you with buckets of love in my heart.

    Now! Link love, oh how I love me some Karen Michel. And the other links you shared. I am beyond honoured to be mentioned with them, and mentioned again. Thank you!

    xx

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  2. Great links, Jennifer! And I see you & I both adore Natasha's talent ;) ! Love your work, too, btw!
    Have a great weekend!

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  3. Jennifer, I hope that you will continue to find comfort in immersing yourself in your art. It is real and true that life is not all pure warmth and loveliness. It can be all over the map. Thank you for being real.

    {pause for a hug}

    And thank you for joining the link-love mission as we continue into May. I appreciate your positive feedback and support!

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  4. You are definitely no less of a woman!. :)

    ***huge hugs***

    Love you!!

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  5. It is good and therapeutic to take your emotions and put them on paper, your blogpost is very honest and open and trough provoking - thank you for that. You are a wise and brave woman. Off to check your links now... have a bright weekend.

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  6. Thanks ladies!!! You are all so sweet!! Hugs back to all of you and thanks sissy!!! love you too!!

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  7. such great links ... I have enjoyed all of this sharing so much.

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